Long time no see! Seems like only a month or so ago, you were eagerly dropping comments on this blog on behalf of everyone’s favorite vanity press, iUniverse. Where’d you go?
You’re not mad at me are you? Kevin told me you were sulking the whole weekend because I hadn’t Photoshopped your mug shot or written you a letter. Well, situation remedied, big boy! I hope you like the pic and find it was worth the wait. Honestly? I think it’s the best one, and you can tell Kev I said so. There’s just something about yours that screams “I was a childhood bully!”
I dig that about you, Shiggles.
Anyway, remember that one comment you left me here on Suess’s Pieces where you were all like, “In the interest of fairness and for the benefit of your readers, would you like to interview someone from iUniverse?” You volunteered yourself, saying you looked forward to the questions I might give you. But then I hastily said, “Let-me-think-about-that-no!”
Well, sometimes a girl makes mistakes, Shiggles. And I regret that decision now, because I do have a few questions for you. I hope you will answer them.
- As Marketing VP at Author Solutions and an upstanding member of Pretty White Church, do you feel like Jesus has called you to laugh at your customer’s books or do you find it’s just easier to compartmentalize your everyday behavior and your religion?
- Which book titles on your office shelf provide the heartiest guffaws?
- Are you more satisfied when your employees coax the life savings out of single moms or retirees?
- I see you’re a writer too, and apparently a pretty good one. Three whole books! (Plus, I assume you’re practically famous by now, what with the outstanding marketing services of Author Solutions, Inc. at your dispos…oh, wait.) Back to the books. Do you know that 100% of your Amazon.com reviews for your children’s book Eli the Stable Boy are five star reviews? Do you also know that 18% of those reviewers have the last name Ogorek? And do you know that of the 11 people that wrote a review for Eli, 73% never reviewed another thing on Amazon.com again, ever?
- Since you’ve written a book for a men’s Bible study on worldview, I’d like to talk a little bit about your own worldview and how it has shaped your career. Would you say that a lifetime of
Biblicalmisogynistic teaching is the reason why you gave Lawrence Fisher his money back while refusing to even return the emails of Joan Moran and Jodi Foster? If not, how would you explain the differences in treatment?
You can send me an email at emily at emilysuess dot com with your reply, or you can just put your interview responses in the comments here. Either way, I can’t wait to hear from you.
P.S. If a box of What Would Shiggles Do bracelets gets shipped to Author Solutions HQ, it wasn’t me. But please send one to my P.O. Box.